In this article, you will: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- Learn why the wrong words get you in trouble during a conflict and <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Discover 15 conflict resolution phrases (with examples) to help you steer any disagreement in a healthy, constructive direction<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s get into it.<\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"conflict](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/Cover-scaled.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nWhy words get us in trouble in conflicts<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Conflicts in the workplace are a normal and expected occurrence. They are not harmful by default \u2014 it\u2019s how we communicate around them that can result in heated confrontations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to William Ury, co-founder of Harvard\u2019s Program on Negotiation<\/a>, our words often get us in trouble because of deeply human, instinctive reactions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- We speak without thinking<\/strong>. Strong emotions like fear or anger take over, and we react instead of responding calmly. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- We fall into the \u201cThree A\u2019s\u201d trap<\/strong>. We attack<\/em>, avoid<\/em>, or accommodate<\/em> \u2014 none of which actually address the conflict productively. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- We lose sight of the bigger goal<\/strong>. In the heat of the moment, we forget what we really want and how to express it. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Once you become aware of these \u201ctraps\u201d, you can better notice them in yourself and others. As a result, you\u2019ll be able to avoid letting them sway you into a heated argument \u2014 and focus on healthy conflict resolution<\/a> instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perfect phrases for conflict resolution at work (and those to avoid)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Here, we\u2019ll cover 15 amazing phrases for conflict resolution that skilled communicators<\/a> use to settle any argument without hostility. We\u2019ll also:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- Provide additional context for their use, <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Explain why they work, and <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- List some of the alternatives you should avoid at all costs in a given situation.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
To make these phrases even easier to apply, we\u2019ve included real-life examples from the team communication app Pumble<\/a> by CAKE.com<\/a>, so you can see how they work in context.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n Free team communication app<\/span>\nImprove collaboration and cut down on emails by moving your team communication to Pumble.<\/p>\n\n
\n Sign up<\/a>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n\n \n ![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/default.png\")
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n#1 \u2018Let\u2019s take a break and get back to this issue when we\u2019ve thought about it and cooled down a bit.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it:<\/strong> You can use this phrase when you notice the argument is getting out of hand, and one or both of you is succumbing to negative emotions. You can also pull this card if you come to an impasse that makes you both impatient for your argument to win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works:<\/strong> Taking a break from a confrontation allows you both to cool off and get a fresh perspective on the matter. In most cases, there is a logical solution to the problem, and what\u2019s preventing you from seeing it is your instinct to prove you\u2019re right. However, once you agree to take some time off to think things through, it\u2019s also essential to specify when you\u2019ll get back to the issue so that it doesn\u2019t end up unaddressed in the end and come back to haunt you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cI can\u2019t deal with this right now.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re clearly wrong!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cThis will never work.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"Colleagues](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/1-Collegues-deciding-to-take-a-breather-and-avoid-conflict-escalation.png\")
Colleagues decide to take a breather and avoid conflict escalation in Pumble, a team communication app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Defuse conflict faster \u2014 try Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
#2 \u2018Help me understand where you\u2019re coming from.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>When you don\u2019t necessarily agree with what the other person is saying or you don\u2019t understand how they came to the idea they\u2019re advocating, you can say this to elicit more information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>One of the most common communication challenges<\/a> at work is negative attitudes, and they can exacerbate a conflict. If someone gives you critical feedback and you get defensive, you\u2019re missing out on the opportunity to understand where the other person is coming from, even if you don\u2019t agree with them. By asking for clarification, you get further insight into their motives and rationale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cWhat exactly are you implying?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cThat makes no sense.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- That\u2019s ridiculous!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/2-A-designer-asking-a-marketer-for-clarification.png\")
A designer asking a marketer for clarification in Pumble, a team communication app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n \n\n Communication made easy<\/span>\nA communication app for teams of all kinds. Discuss, share, and collaborate.<\/p>\n\n
\n See features<\/a>\n\n Register<\/a>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n\n \n ![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features.png\")
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n#3 \u2018Thank you for being honest with me.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>This phrase is best for situations where someone is being critical of you \u2014 especially if it\u2019s a subordinate who\u2019s providing upward feedback<\/a>. It\u2019s also great to use when a colleague is directing criticism at you and they are upset about the issue at hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>The phrase is incredibly effective because it lets the other person know that you\u2019ve truly heard them and, more importantly, you appreciate that they chose an assertive communication approach<\/a> instead of them talking about you behind your back. It also allows you to put yourself in a positive frame of mind so that you can consider what they\u2019re saying instead of just getting hurt and passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cWow, I didn\u2019t realize you thought so little of me.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI\u2019m ___ (e.g. sloppy)? Look who\u2019s talking!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cWhat\u2019s that supposed to mean?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"Using](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/3-A-team-leader-appreciating-upward-criticism-coming-from-a-team-member.png\")
Using Pumble, a team leader shows appreciation for upward criticism coming from a team member<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Share feedback over Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
#4 \u2018How can I support you?\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use:<\/strong> This phrase should be a staple of any leader\u2019s communication style<\/a> and vocabulary. You can use it if one of your employees feels upset, hurt, underappreciated, or is coming to you with a complaint. However, the phrase is not reserved for leaders alone \u2014 anyone at the workplace can benefit from using it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>You\u2019re showing the other person that you truly care about them and want to do what\u2019s best to ease the situation. Using these conflict resolution words also showcases your willingness to actively listen<\/a> and understand where their pain, stress, or frustration is coming from. By offering support, you disarm them and help them let down their guard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cWhat am I supposed to do about it?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cThat\u2019s a \u2018you\u2019 problem.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re such a baby!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/4-A-manager-showing-care-and-support-for-an-upset-employee.png\")
A manager showing care and support to an upset employee through Pumble, the team communication app by CAKE.com<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Make difficult conversations easier with Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
#5 \u2018What I heard you say is\u2026 Did I get that right?\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>When you\u2019re not sure you\u2019ve understood something correctly, especially if that something has the potential to wreak havoc on your interpersonal relationships<\/a> at work, it\u2019s best to check if you\u2019ve got the gist of the issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works:<\/strong> One of the most important rules of workplace communication etiquette is to keep the conversation clear and simple so that there\u2019s no danger of it leading to misunderstandings. That\u2019s why asking for clarification is important. If you throw a fit before you\u2019ve checked whether you\u2019ve correctly understood your interlocutor, you risk starting a fight for no good reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cYou\u2019re kidding me, right?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019ve just said that to me!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cCan\u2019t you just speak plain English?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/5-A-team-member-checking-if-she-understood-a-remark-correctly-before-escalating-an-issue.png\")
A team member using Pumble to check if she understood a remark correctly before escalating an issue<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n #6 \u2018When you said\/did that, I felt\u2026\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>You can use this phrase when you want to confront a coworker about something they said or did that (inadvertently) affected you in a bad way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>Language plays a vital role here. Instead of attacking them with \u201cyou made me feel\u2026\u201d<\/em>, implying they\u2019re directly responsible for your feelings, you take ownership of your emotions (\u201cI felt\u2026\u201d<\/em>), while letting them know their words or actions were hurtful. So, you\u2019re not accusing them<\/em> of being a bad person, but rather their words\/actions<\/em> of being inappropriate, which makes a world of a difference and is less likely to make them defensive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cHow could you have possibly done that?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re a terrible person!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou make me boil with rage!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"An](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/6-An-employee-respectfully-letting-the-manager-know-his-actions-caused-her-harm.png\")
An employee respectfully letting the manager know his actions caused her harm on Pumble, the team communication app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n \n\n Improve work communication<\/span>\nStrengthen your business communication and collaboration with Pumble by CAKE.com.<\/p>\n\n
\n See features<\/a>\n\n Join Pumble<\/a>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n\n \n \n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n#7 \u2018I agree with you on\u2026\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>When you\u2019re having a disagreement with someone at work (usually about the way to proceed on a shared task or project), but there are still some points you agree on, it\u2019s best to start from them if you want to defuse conflict and improve collaboration<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>Agreement on some points sets a common ground from which you can build on. Acknowledging the fact that your views on the matter are not entirely opposing can also reduce the frustration that can build up due to your inability to find a solution and focus your minds on the solvability of the problem, rather than leaving you mentally stuck in a stalemate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cThat\u2019s a stupid idea.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI give up! Just do whatever you want.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cWe\u2019ll do it my way or I\u2019m out!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"Project](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/7-Project-managers-having-a-constructive-conflict-on-how-to-manage-the-project.png\")
Project managers having a constructive conflict on how to manage the project via Pumble, a team communication app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Collaborate through conflict with Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
#8 \u2018Let\u2019s work on this problem together.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it:<\/strong> This phrase can come in handy when you want to avoid finger-pointing and playing the blame game, especially if you\u2019re a manager trying to stop a conflict from escalating. It can also work well if you want to help someone fix a mistake they made, without making them feel under attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>It\u2019s great because it inspires healthier team communication<\/a> and team spirit. Also, when you point out an issue this way, you\u2019re setting a safe psychological space<\/a> to work from instead of making the person feel threatened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cThis is all your fault!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou need to fix this.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cWe could have avoided this if John didn\u2019t mess up \u2014 just saying!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/8-A-team-member-diffusing-a-conflict-by-focusing-the-teams-attention-on-finding-a-solution-to-the-problem.png\")
A team member defusing a conflict in a group chat in Pumble by focusing the team\u2019s attention on finding a solution to the problem<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n #9 \u2018I see how I\u2019ve contributed to the problem.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it:<\/strong> When someone brings to your attention that you did something wrong, it\u2019s best to admit it straight away and start the conversation from there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works:<\/strong> Admitting your mistakes is always a good idea \u2014 making them is human. But it\u2019s incredibly irresponsible not to admit you\u2019ve made them. What\u2019s more, when you recognize you\u2019ve made a mistake, you\u2019re showing the other person that you\u2019re willing to cooperate and let yourself be vulnerable<\/a> with them. This vulnerability is bound to dispel negative emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cWhy are you always picking on me?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cOh, so everything\u2019s always my fault!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cSure, you\u2019re entitled to your opinion.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/9-A-customer-support-agent-taking-responsibility-for-a-problem-she-caused.png\")
A customer support agent taking responsibility for a problem she caused, shown in a conversation in Pumble, a team communication app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n \n\n Empower team communication<\/span>\nDiscuss, share & collaborate with Pumble, a team communication app.<\/p>\n\n
\n Explore<\/a>\n\n Sign up<\/a>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n\n \n ![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1.png\")
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n#10 \u2018I\u2019m sorry.\u2019<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When to use it: <\/strong>Building on the previous example, once you\u2019ve realized you\u2019ve made a mistake \u2014 especially when you\u2019ve directly wronged the other person \u2014 it\u2019s only decent to let go of your ego defenses and apologize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why it works: <\/strong>A sincere apology has the power to mend a relationship in a heartbeat. However, beware that an insincere one can further exacerbate the conflict<\/a> because it can sound dismissive. So, don\u2019t apologize just to stop the argument if you don\u2019t mean it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Use it instead of these phrases:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- \u201cWhatever, my bad, can we just move on?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re lying.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI wouldn\u2019t have done it in the first place if you hadn\u2019t ____ (messed up first)!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re lying.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cOh, so everything\u2019s always my fault!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou need to fix this.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI give up! Just do whatever you want.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re a terrible person!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019ve just said that to me!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cThat\u2019s a \u2018you\u2019 problem.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI\u2019m ___ (e.g. sloppy)? Look who\u2019s talking!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cThat makes no sense.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cYou\u2019re clearly wrong!\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- \u201cI can\u2019t deal with this right now.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
- We fall into the \u201cThree A\u2019s\u201d trap<\/strong>. We attack<\/em>, avoid<\/em>, or accommodate<\/em> \u2014 none of which actually address the conflict productively. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
- We speak without thinking<\/strong>. Strong emotions like fear or anger take over, and we react instead of responding calmly. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/default@2x.png)
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features@2x.png)
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1@2x.png)
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n