![\"how](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/how-to-ask-tough-questions-at-work-cover-1.png\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nWhat are tough questions at work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What do we mean by \u201ctough questions?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ll define these as all the tricky\/sensitive\/difficult questions you have to ask at work that may provoke a negative reaction. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They are concerned with sensitive topics \u2014 which carry high stakes for future interactions between the person asking the question and the person being asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words, you can earn a bad rep for asking a tricky question \u2014 or have it backfire some other way, if you phrase the question in an insensitive way.<\/p>\n\n\n
![\"A](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/A-tough-question-asked-tactlessly-leading-to-conflict-between-coworkers-Pumble-team-messaging-app.png\")
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\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\nWhat are examples of tough questions?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
To help better illustrate what we mean by tough questions, we present you with five examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- Asking for help<\/a>;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Asking for a raise;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Asking for a favor;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Asking about inappropriate behavior;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Asking about reasons for demotion\/dismissal;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Tough question example 1 \u2014 asking for help<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Lisa feels like she needs more support at her new job as a junior accountant. The financial processes are complicated at her new company, and she\u2019s anxious about making a big mistake. She can see that her supervisor is already overwhelmingly busy, so she thinks that the question she needs to ask (about additional help) might cause frustration to her supervisor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Tough question example 2 \u2014 asking for a raise<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
After working as a junior software developer at the same company for a year, Derek thinks it\u2019s about time to ask for a raise. However, he\u2019s a bit apprehensive about asking his supervisor for it, as he thinks he\u2019s still new to the company and not too confident about his role. Derek is afraid he might get a negative response, which would reflect poorly on his work experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Tough question example 3 \u2014 asking for a favor<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Following an unpredictable event from private life, David, a university teacher, is in a position where he has to ask his coworker \u2014 Glen, also a university teacher \u2014 for a favor. The favor consists of David needing Glen to take over his next day\u2019s class, even though Glen had already done this the previous week, due to similar circumstances. This makes David\u2019s task extra difficult \u2014 he has to ask for a repeat favor while not seeming ungrateful for the previous one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n\ud83d\udd36 Tough question example 4 \u2014 asking about inappropriate behavior<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Kyle is the company\u2019s financial advisor, and there have been several complaints about his behavior \u2014 specifically, telling offensive jokes. June is in a tough spot. She\u2019s the HR specialist of this company, so she has to address the issue and find out about his side of the story, but wants to do so tactfully. She has to ask a sensitive question about inappropriate behavior from this particular employee, without making Kyle feel too uncomfortable and unwilling to cooperate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Tough question example 5 \u2014 asking about reasons for demotion\/dismissal<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Christine is unpleasantly surprised to find that her employer has decided to demote her, from the position of lead UX designer \u2014 back to doing more \u201cmenial\u201d design tasks. She is unsure why this development happened, and is preparing to ask her supervisor about the reasons. She feels hurt, and this is understandably uncomfortable for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why is it important to ask and answer tough questions at work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ll demonstrate the importance of asking tough questions at work with a little thought exercise: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine that you have a hot-tempered boss (let\u2019s just say that many people might not have a hard time imagining this), whom you have to ask for a raise. The idea of it is daunting, so you avoid doing it.
Now imagine what it would be like if this waiting-and-despairing attitude lasted for a long time. In most cases, the inertia of daily routine in the workplace is simply too strong \u2014 leaving little chance anything would ever change without intervention on your behalf. <\/p>\n\n\n\nHow would you feel in this kind of scenario? Long-term \u2014 in a year, in five years? Almost without a doubt, you\u2019d feel miserable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the only way you can avoid this fate is by stepping up and getting over the fear of asking difficult questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The conclusion \u2014 why asking tough questions is so important:<\/strong> there\u2019s no change or improvement without stepping out of your comfort zone.Asking difficult questions is a necessary means of initiating growth-directed changes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udca1 For tips that help you ask better<\/em> questions in general, visit How to ask better questions at work<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Best techniques for asking tough questions at work <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
First, let\u2019s define what your objective is: to ask a difficult question politely, in a way that lets you remain on good terms with the person\/people you\u2019re asking questions from<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In order to accomplish this, you can prepare by going through our step-by-step instructions, as well as examples of how to phrase sensitive questions in specific situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Asking tough questions: a ten-step guide<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Here are practical, step-by-step instructions that can help you approach asking tough questions at work in a more deliberate manner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These steps take you on the path from planning, getting yourself into the proper state of mind, the act of asking itself, the response you get, and finally the aftermath of the interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #1: Have a clear picture of what you want to ask \ud83d\uddbc\ufe0f<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
You should make sure you have a detailed mental picture<\/strong> of what you want to ask. Using your imagination, work out several possible directions the question may lead you on. Write down notes if necessary. This way, you\u2019ll know exactly what you want to say, and what to do if the course of conversation changes. This way, you\u2019ll limit the odds of awkwardly stumbling over words in situations you didn\u2019t anticipate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of having a clear picture:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
For our example, let\u2019s take a situation where you have to ask your coworker to stop distracting you with memes they send to your business chat app. The first step of having a clear mental picture could include mentally outlining the basic intention of the request, the tone you want to use, and the reaction you expect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #2: Plan ahead \ud83d\uddd2\ufe0f<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
You want to know when<\/em> and how<\/em> you will ask your question. When you plan ahead<\/strong>, you make time and space for preparation, both mental and physical. Also, you give time for the question to crystalize in your mind, and for yourself to be able to predict the kind of response you might get. Planning ahead also plays the role of alleviating some of the psychological pressure from this kind of stressful conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of planning ahead:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, you pick a time and place for asking the question. In this case, you could do it in the cafeteria, during lunch break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Plan your communication properly \u2014 with Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #3: Put yourself in the other person\u2019s shoes \ud83d\udc62<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Consider how your question may be interpreted. Do this by taking on the perspective of the person you\u2019re asking questions to<\/strong>. Put yourself in their place<\/a> \u2014 take some time to imagine what they might think and feel, and how they might interpret the difficult question you want to ask. This exercise helps you identify and better prepare for some of the possible points in the discussion where conflict might emerge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of putting oneself in someone else\u2019s shoes:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ahead of asking, think of ways your colleague might feel \u2014 perhaps embarrassed, offended, disappointed, etc. Think of how to approach the situation best suited for minimizing these negative feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #4: Get into the right state of mind \ud83e\udde0<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Take a few mindful moments to prepare<\/strong>. Maybe do a quick meditation<\/a> or a breathing exercise, to help you calm your nerves and stay centered. When your mind becomes calm and focused, you\u2019re in the right spot to ask difficult questions from a place of maturity and assuredness. Meditation also does wonders for calming intrusive and racing thoughts, so it can be a great tool for those struggling with anxiety. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of getting into the right state of mind:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few minutes before starting the conversation, you could do a quick breathing exercise \u2014 taking 3 long breaths, counting to 7 for each inhale, and exhaling.<\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"Carefully-worded](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Carefully-worded-question-exchange-between-two-team-members-Pumble-team-messaging-app.png\")
Carefully-worded question exchange between two team members (Pumble team messaging app)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Check in with your coworkers on Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #5: Inform the person that the question is going to be tough \u26a0\ufe0f<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
To prepare the grounds for a civil and constructive conversation, notify the person that the question will be tough<\/strong> before asking them. This lets the person know what to expect, and as a result, the question won\u2019t come as a shock. If you were to simply ask a sensitive question without preparing the person, you could provoke an instinctual, defensive response. When this happens, the course of the conversation is hard to readjust into friendlier terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of warning someone about a tough question:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
You could approach your coworker by saying: \u201cHey, I\u2019m about to ask you something a bit sensitive. I want you to know that I mean no offense by it.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #6: Choose your words \ud83d\udcac<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Phrase the question in a non-incendiary way. It\u2019s one very simple, but probably the most important and effective part of the question-asking process. When you pay attention to the words you use<\/strong>, the likelihood is far lower that you will offend your conversation partner, or cause a big misunderstanding. Further down below in this article, you can find some exercises to help you practice phrasing tricky questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of choosing one\u2019s words:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think of ways to phrase your question politely. Instead of saying: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan you stop interrupting me with your annoying memes?<\/em>\u201d, which might be an accurate representation of what you want to say, it\u2019s more kind and professional to say, for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve been finding it hard to focus these days and I think instant messages might be a part of the problem. Could you please send those memes a bit less frequently<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #7: Observe non-verbal cues \ud83d\ude45<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
During the conversation, pay attention to what the other person\u2019s body language is signaling<\/strong>. The person\u2019s posture, facial expression, where they keep their arms and legs \u2014 all reveal what they truly feel about the situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- Hands in pockets, or crossed-over in front of the chest <\/em>\u2014 the person feels defensive, insecure, or they want to hide something;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Arms on the hips<\/em> \u2014 this is a signal of confrontation, or even aggressive intentions;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- When sitting, legs spread wide apart <\/em>\u2014 readily taking up space is a sign of confidence;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
There are many more such examples, but the main takeaway is \u2014 you can study the person\u2019s reaction to your question through careful observation of how they adjust the position of their body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of observing non-verbal cues:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once you\u2019ve asked your question, look at the other person\u2019s body language. They might cross their arms in front of their chest \u2014 this is a classic sign of defensiveness. Their cheeks might get red \u2014 showing their embarrassment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #8: Listen closely to the response \ud83d\udc42<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Focus well on what the other person is saying, listen with your full attention<\/strong>. There\u2019s no point in going through all this preparation, only to zone out while the other person is talking and miss out on a significant part of what they wanted to communicate. Pay close attention to what\u2019s being said, but also the way it\u2019s being said<\/em>. How someone enunciates certain words in a sentence, or the tone they use can tell you what they find to be the most important points of the discussion, and their attitude<\/a> towards them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of listening closely:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
What kind of words is the person using in response \u2014 are they apologizing, are they expressing annoyance, avoiding the issue?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n Work, communicate, collaborate<\/span>\nStrengthen your business communication and collaboration process with Pumble by CAKE.com.<\/p>\n\n
\n Sign up<\/a>\n\n Learn more<\/a>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n\n \n ![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1.png\")
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\nStep #9: React appropriately \ud83d\ude4b\u200d\u2640\ufe0f<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
No matter the response to your question, always react in a polite and professional manner. <\/strong>If the response is negative \u2014 making a scene is both unproductive and a potential stain on your reputation. Make a dignified retreat instead. And in case everything goes well, make sure to express gratitude and wishes for equally great collaboration in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of an appropriate reaction:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stay mindful of your reactions, and always be polite and professional. In both cases, if your colleague has either a positive or a negative response \u2014 thank them for considering what you had to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Step #10: Reflect on the interaction \ud83e\udd14<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
One last step you can take when asking a tough question at work, is to reflect on how it went afterward<\/strong>. You can go over the conversation again, internally, while paying attention to the key points. Identify where things went in the direction you didn\u2019t want them to \u2014 and why. Brainstorm a few examples of what you should\u2019ve said at these specific points, and how this would have affected the outcomes. Also, remember the expressions you used that you think left a good impression. You can \u201crepurpose\u201d them in a future conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udd36 Example of reflection:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
After the conversation is done, take time to note the key points of conflict and understanding. When faced with a similar situation in the future, would you do anything differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
—<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t have to follow this guide to a T if the circumstances are shaped in ways that don\u2019t fit some of the steps. Take this guide as an ideal pathway, which you can always adjust according to the needs of the situation at hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udca1 One extra tip: using technology can help you bypass some of the downsides of face-to-face question-asking<\/strong>. Many people have trouble expressing themselves in person, and technology (a team messaging app<\/a>, for example) can help, because of the following reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- You can carefully type out how you want to phrase your question;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- You leave plenty of time for the other person to respond;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- You can send additional information, such as files and links, to make your point clearer;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- The interaction is virtual, so it\u2019s less confrontational;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- It\u2019s quick and simple, and doesn\u2019t require making appointments;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
![\"Tough](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/Tough-question-asked-in-Pumble-a-team-messaging-app.png\")
Tough question asked in Pumble, a team messaging app<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n Schedule and hold regular check-ins on Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to phrase tough questions politely and effectively \u2014 in specific situations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Here, we will take a look at how you can go about asking the questions we previously mentioned as examples of difficult situations. A few principles are all-encompassing, and should be your main reference in most situations where you have to ask a tricky question. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
They include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- \n
- Avoiding \u201cwhy\u201d\u2014 questions;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Explaining your reasons;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Being kind and understanding;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Respecting people\u2019s time \u2014 others have their own responsibilities;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udca1 For tips concerning how to phrase your ideas in a business setting, take a look at our article on Business communication words and phrases: what to use and what to avoid<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, we can revisit the examples we provided previously, by giving examples on how to formulate the questions pertaining to each of the mentioned situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tough question #1: \u201cCan I get some more help?\u201d<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
When you need more help and support at work, how do you tactfully ask for it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Arms on the hips<\/em> \u2014 this is a signal of confrontation, or even aggressive intentions;<\/li>\n\n\n\n
![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features@2x.png)
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1@2x.png)
\n <\/picture>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n\n\n![\"Illustration\"](\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-2@2x.png)
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