{"id":3492,"date":"2022-03-29T07:05:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-29T07:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/?p=3492"},"modified":"2023-11-17T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2023-11-17T00:00:00","slug":"communicate-with-difficult-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/communicate-with-difficult-people\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Difficult Coworkers: 6 Steps to a Healthier Workspace"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>As we all know (sadly, often from experience), you can\u2019t always have a <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/positive-work-environment\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">positive work environment<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And, it\u2019s not the lack of office happy hours and free gym memberships that causes a workplace to be toxic \u2014 but the difficult people who work there. The absence of good <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/learn\/communication\/communication-importance\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">team communication<\/a> is typically a leitmotif in such environments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this blog post, we\u2019ll go over 6 steps to help you deal with difficult coworkers and (hopefully) stay sane while doing so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s get right into it.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1.png\" alt=\"how to communicate with difficult people at work-cover\" class=\"wp-image-13202\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1.png 1200w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1-300x150.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1-1024x512.png 1024w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1-768x384.png 768w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/how-to-communicate-with-difficult-people-at-work-cover-1-18x9.png 18w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list key-takeaways\">\n<li>Focus on your reactions and behavior.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Don\u2019t take it personally when someone is being difficult.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Try to communicate about the issue and consider both sides of the conversation.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Take care of your mental health when dealing with difficult people.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Reach out for help if nothing else works.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"1-determine-the-type-of-difficult-coworker-youre-dealing-with\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#1: Determine the type of difficult coworker you\u2019re dealing with<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There are different types of difficult people, so your first step is to troubleshoot the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What makes your coworker difficult to deal with? Are they:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Rude,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Arrogant,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Dismissive,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Bossy,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Always late,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/stop-micromanaging-your-remote-team\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Micromanaging the team<\/a>,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Stealing your ideas and presenting them as their own, or<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Just plain annoying?&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Understanding what exactly bothers you is crucial to determining your strategy and deciding how to handle the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/mmoran1\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Michael Moran<\/a>, the Recruiting Manager and Owner of Green Lion Search Group, you should identify the reason behind the behavior to help you decide what you can do:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"350\" height=\"350\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2063\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron.png 350w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cThe first step is to define for yourself the specific behaviors or attitudes that make the individual difficult to work with.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Next, put yourself in the other person\u2019s shoes, and try to <\/em><strong><em>identify the motivation and intent behind the behavior<\/em><\/strong><em>. Identify where the other person is coming from and what they\u2019re hoping to achieve by acting the way they do.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>This will also help you gauge if you\u2019re dealing with objectively hostile\/toxic behavior or if it\u2019s more a personality clash or pet peeve.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"banner banner-dark pumble-gradient-features\">\n    <div class=\"banner-text lg:pr-[6rem]\">\n        <span class=\"h4 text-lg translation-block mb-0\">Improve team communication, even when it's difficult<\/span>\n        <p class=\"translation-block mt-1 mb-3\">Secure, real-time communication for professionals. Discuss, share &amp; collaborate.<\/p>\n\n        <div class=\"banner-buttons d-flex gap-4 align-items-center translation-block justify-content-center justify-content-sm-start\">\n            <a class=\"bg-white rounded px-3 py-1 text-gray-dark\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\">Sign up<\/a>\n\n                            <a class=\"button-2\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\" target=\"_blank\">Learn more<\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n    <div class=\"banner-image banner-image-middle \">\n        <picture>\n            <source srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features@2x.png 2x\" alt=\"Illustration\"  media=\"(min-width: 1022px)\" \/>\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features.png\"  alt=\"Illustration\" \/>\n        <\/picture>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n    \n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"2-focus-on-what-you-can-control\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#2: Focus on what you can control<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Trying to change others to fit our needs and expectations is a losing game. As is the case with most things in life, we simply don\u2019t have control over others and their behavior.&nbsp;However, there is something we are in control of \u2014 <strong>our reactions, responses, <\/strong>and<strong> behavior<\/strong>. Therefore, we should focus on that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We spoke to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/karmarkars\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Dr. Simon Karmarkar<\/a>, Gestalt Therapist, Doctorate in Management with emphasis on Organizational Leadership, Author, and Public Speaker. He shared how we can take an introspective approach when dealing with difficult people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"511\" height=\"508\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Dr.-Karmarkar-headshot-purple-tie-Square.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3494\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Dr.-Karmarkar-headshot-purple-tie-Square.jpg 511w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Dr.-Karmarkar-headshot-purple-tie-Square-300x298.jpg 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Dr.-Karmarkar-headshot-purple-tie-Square-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 511px) 100vw, 511px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201c<em>The first step to face difficult workers starts with conducting a self-assessment or CDIL (Character Defect Inventory List).&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>In just about every business, a regular inventory is taken and items that have expired or are about to expire are discarded. With this step we are doing the same thing with our defects, thereby <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/emotional-intelligence-in-the-workplace\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">raising our emotional intelligence quotient<\/a>. The individual takes a rigorously honest look at what is in them that might be causing some internal friction.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>With this introspective step, the individual identifies how he or she is showing up or presenting oneself. The natural progression to this step is being armed or prepared to respond, as opposed to reacting when interacting with &#8220;difficult people.&#8221;&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:16px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Focusing on your own behavior and actions will enable you to react to difficult situations with patience and composure, instead of losing your cool and lashing out. In the process of trying to deal with a difficult coworker, you shouldn\u2019t become one yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group pro-tip\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p>\ud83d\udca1 <strong>Pumble Pro Tip<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Introspection requires maturity and emotional intelligence. If you want to learn more about why emotional intelligence is important in the workplace, and how you can improve it, read our blog post:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/emotional-intelligence-in-the-workplace\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Emotional intelligence in the workplace<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"3-dont-take-it-personally\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#3: Don\u2019t take it personally<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You thought about the situation and you\u2019re fairly sure you\u2019re not the problem \u2014 you did your best to be professional, helpful, and kind. It\u2019s your coworker who\u2019s creating the issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But, why do they behave that way?Well, there\u2019s a myriad of reasons why. They could be going through a stressful period. Or, they could genuinely be an unpleasant person. Either way, it\u2019s likely that <strong>it has nothing to do with you <\/strong>\u2014 so, don\u2019t take it personally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We spoke to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/raelesaltano\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Raele Antano<\/a>, a Certified Communication Coach and Founder of Well With Raele Coaching, to find out what makes people difficult to communicate with.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She agrees that it\u2019s almost always their own problems that cause issues:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"400\" height=\"400\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Raele-Altano.png\" alt=\"Raele Altano\" class=\"wp-image-10214\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Raele-Altano.png 400w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Raele-Altano-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Raele-Altano-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Raele-Altano-12x12.png 12w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cWhat makes people difficult to deal with is almost always their own thoughts, emotions, and fears. Their fear of being vulnerable with colleagues. Their fear of being bombarded with work and inability to deal with overwhelm. Their challenges outside of work that impact their mood at work and make them unapproachable. Words and behaviors are simply a result of our thoughts, fears, and emotions.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Ph.D. and Co-Author of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/ralphkilmann\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Ralph H. Kilmann<\/a>, adds that <strong>difficult people project their problems onto others<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"512\" height=\"512\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Ralph-Kilmann.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3495\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Ralph-Kilmann.jpg 512w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Ralph-Kilmann-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Ralph-Kilmann-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cDeep within each type [of difficult person] is an insecure and unhappy person, one who copes with their inner conflicts and negative self-image by projecting them onto other group members \u2014 and then attacking them for displaying those highly negative characteristics.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Indeed, troublemakers spend most of their energy surviving, protecting, projecting, attacking, and thus living out their problems on others.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words, people behave through the prism of various factors, such as their:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Character,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Previous experiences,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Beliefs and expectations,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotional state and <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/mental-health-in-the-workplace\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mental health<\/a>,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The environment they grew up in, etc.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a reflection of who they are, not who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"banner banner-light pumble-gradient-templates\">\n    <div class=\"banner-text lg:pr-[6rem]\">\n        <span class=\"h4 text-lg translation-block mb-0\">Transform team communication<\/span>\n        <p class=\"translation-block mt-1 mb-3\">Simplify your work with Pumble by CAKE.com \u2014 the all-in-one communication app.<\/p>\n\n        <div class=\"banner-buttons d-flex gap-4 align-items-center translation-block justify-content-center justify-content-sm-start\">\n            <a class=\"bg-white rounded px-3 py-1 text-gray-dark\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\">Sign up<\/a>\n\n                            <a class=\"button-2\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\" target=\"_blank\">Learn more<\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n    <div class=\"banner-image banner-image-middle \">\n        <picture>\n            <source srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/templates@2x.png 2x\" alt=\"Illustration\"  media=\"(min-width: 1022px)\" \/>\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/templates.png\"  alt=\"Illustration\" \/>\n        <\/picture>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n    \n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"4-communicate-about-the-issue\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#4: Communicate about the issue<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, some people are just impossible to communicate with effectively.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, if you think there is any chance of a productive conversation, try to have it. Confront the person about their behavior and how it impacts your work environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While doing so, there are a few things to keep in mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Set your intentions before the conversation occurs<\/strong>. Don\u2019t lose sight of what your goals are and what you are trying to achieve by having this interaction.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Be professional and treat them with respect, but stand up for yourself<\/strong> if they\u2019re disrespectful to you. You\u2019re under no obligation to tolerate disrespect.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Focus on the issue<\/strong>. Don\u2019t focus on them as a person and the intricacies of their personality, but rather on the issue itself. Don\u2019t think of it as you vs. them, but you (as a team) vs. the issue.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You may just resolve the issue during the conversation, so communicate the problem you\u2019re facing and keep an open mind. Sometimes, it can just be a case of simple miscommunication \u2014 the other person may not even be aware that there is an issue.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"465\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot.png\" alt=\"Example of communicating an issue to a coworker via Pumble, a team messaging app\n\" class=\"wp-image-10215\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot.png 1200w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot-300x116.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot-1024x397.png 1024w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot-768x298.png 768w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Example-of-communicating-an-issue-in-Pumble-screenshot-18x7.png 18w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Example of communicating an issue to a coworker via Pumble, a team messaging app\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"custom-btn\"><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Resolve issues quickly on Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group pro-tip\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\ud83d\udca1 <strong>Pumble Pro Tip<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Resolving conflicts is a necessary skill that will make your communication more effective. To learn more about conflict resolution, effective communication, and how to become an effective communicator, here are some resources:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/learn\/collaboration\/team-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Resolving conflicts in teams<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/phrases-to-use-to-diffuse-conflict-at-work\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">15 Conflict resolution phrases to use to diffuse conflict at work<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/learn\/collaboration\/team-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Resolving conflicts in teams<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"5-explain-your-point-of-view-and-listen-to-theirs\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#5: Explain your point of view and listen to theirs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Explain your point of view <strong>clearly and calmly<\/strong>. Refrain from accusing and blaming the other person, as that will only make them defensive, and your constructive conversation will be gone with the wind.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To avoid conflict and defensive responses, it\u2019s best to use \u2018I\u2019 statements instead of \u2018You\u2019 statements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, look at the difference between these two sentences:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background\" style=\"background-color:#e5f6fe\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p><em>\u201cI feel exhausted and frustrated when I have to work on your tasks on top of my own workload, which is already quite heavy.\u201d<\/em> \u2705<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou are incapable of doing your goddamn job and you have no respect for others and their time!\u201d<\/em> \u274c<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 id=\"how-to-listen-to-a-difficult-coworker\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to listen to a difficult coworker?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep the situation calm by <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/learn\/communication\/active-listening\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">listening actively<\/a> and attentively when it\u2019s their turn to talk. Be compassionate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I learned a very valuable lesson in the book <em>Never Split the Difference<\/em> by Chriss Voss \u2014 everyone wants to be heard and seen. As Voss wrote:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201c<em>Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>We explored this issue further with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/dougnoll\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Douglas Noll<\/a>, a Listening and De-Escalation Coach and Trainer, who believes that <strong>affect labeling<\/strong> is a good approach to communicating with difficult people:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"416\" height=\"416\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/Douglas-Noll.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2868\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/Douglas-Noll.jpeg 416w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/Douglas-Noll-300x300.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/Douglas-Noll-150x150.jpeg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 416px) 100vw, 416px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201c<em>The go-to foundational skill that will work with every difficult person is known as affect labeling. Affect labeling means that, as the listener, you ignore the words, read the emotions, and reflect back the emotions with a simple \u201cyou\u201d statement. Brain scanning studies show affect labeling to calm an angry, upset person in less than 90 seconds. As I teach my graduate students, de-escalate the difficult person, then engage them in problem-solving. Essentially, you must \u201clisten to them into existence\u201d before you can address the problem causing the difficulty.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>In this case, Noll refers to \u2018you\u2019 statements such as \u201c<em>You seem upset because you feel that your manager doesn\u2019t appreciate your effort<\/em>.\u201d, which serve as a confirmation that we truly heard the person we\u2019re talking to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"banner banner-dark pumble-gradient-landing-1\">\n    <div class=\"banner-text lg:pr-[6rem]\">\n        <span class=\"h4 text-lg translation-block mb-0\">Make communication easier<\/span>\n        <p class=\"translation-block mt-1 mb-3\">Simplify team communication and collaborate more effectively. Try Pumble by CAKE.com.<\/p>\n\n        <div class=\"banner-buttons d-flex gap-4 align-items-center translation-block justify-content-center justify-content-sm-start\">\n            <a class=\"bg-white rounded px-3 py-1 text-gray-dark\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\">Sign up<\/a>\n\n                            <a class=\"button-2\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\" target=\"_blank\">Learn more<\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n    <div class=\"banner-image banner-image-stretch \">\n        <picture>\n            <source srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1@2x.png 2x\" alt=\"Illustration\"  media=\"(min-width: 1022px)\" \/>\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/landing-1.png\"  alt=\"Illustration\" \/>\n        <\/picture>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n    \n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"6-take-care-of-yourself-after-dealing-with-difficult-coworkers\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">#6: Take care of yourself after dealing with difficult coworkers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Last, but definitely not least, <strong>take time to relax and destress<\/strong> after dealing with difficult people. Such encounters can be frustrating, emotionally draining, and anxiety-inducing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I once heard someone say <em>\u201cI need to take care of myself, I haven\u2019t found myself on the street<\/em>\u201d and it has stuck with me ever since.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You need to take care of yourself, as stress can negatively affect you both physically and mentally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Mayo Clinic, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/healthy-lifestyle\/stress-management\/in-depth\/stress-symptoms\/art-20050987\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">stress symptoms can include<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Headache,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Fatigue,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sleep problems,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Restlessness,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Irritability or anger,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Use of alcohol, tobacco, or drugs,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Undereating or overeating, etc.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>There are many ways to destress \u2014 pick one that you like the most and that fits your schedule and lifestyle. Here are some of the most popular and the fastest ones:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Take a walk, preferably in nature.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Practice breathing exercises and\/or meditate.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do something creative (if you\u2019re not an artsy person, you can try adult coloring books, for example).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Vent to someone you trust \u2014 it\u2019s best to choose a friend or a family member, not a coworker.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Listen to some feel-good music.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Organize a spa evening (you can do it at home, too).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Play with your pet.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make a hot cup of tea and spend some time offline, just being present.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Whatever your preferred method of dealing with stress is, make sure to practice it regularly and don\u2019t let stress build up.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"banner banner-dark pumble-gradient-features\">\n    <div class=\"banner-text lg:pr-[6rem]\">\n        <span class=\"h4 text-lg translation-block mb-0\">Simplify work with Pumble<\/span>\n        <p class=\"translation-block mt-1 mb-3\">Strengthen your team. Try Pumble, the all-in-one communication app.<\/p>\n\n        <div class=\"banner-buttons d-flex gap-4 align-items-center translation-block justify-content-center justify-content-sm-start\">\n            <a class=\"bg-white rounded px-3 py-1 text-gray-dark\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\">Sign up<\/a>\n\n                            <a class=\"button-2\" href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\" target=\"_blank\">Learn more<\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n\n    <div class=\"banner-image banner-image-middle \">\n        <picture>\n            <source srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features@2x.png 2x\" alt=\"Illustration\"  media=\"(min-width: 1022px)\" \/>\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/themes\/cake-blog\/theme\/images\/banners\/features.png\"  alt=\"Illustration\" \/>\n        <\/picture>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n    \n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group pro-tip\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\ud83d\udca1 <strong>Pumble Pro Tip<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re working remotely, check out these wellness ideas for a healthier remote work environment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wellness-ideas-for-remote-employees\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">18 Wellness ideas for remote employees<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"bonus-tip-what-to-do-if-communication-doesnt-work\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Bonus tip: What to do if communication doesn\u2019t work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019ve taken all the steps and tried all the strategies to deal with a difficult coworker, and it\u2019s still unmanageable. What now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We spoke to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/lokenauth\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Andrew Lokenauth<\/a>, People Manager, Finance Executive, and Career Coach, and he believes that the answer to this question is to involve your manager and HR:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Andrew-Lokenauth.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3498\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Andrew-Lokenauth.jpeg 200w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Andrew-Lokenauth-150x150.jpeg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cIf your colleague is repeatedly rude and disrespectful, and you can&#8217;t work out a solution, you should speak to your manager for advice, as well as document your issue with human resources, to keep a record of the negative behavior.\u201d&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>You should try to resolve the issue privately and <strong>turn to a higher authority only if you exhausted all the other options<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the meantime, try to keep contact with that person to a minimum. Think if there is someone else who can take their place.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, if your mentor is causing you trouble, try to figure out if there\u2019s another senior colleague who will be happy to answer your questions when you get stuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Michael Moran also agrees that if communication doesn\u2019t work and if the behavior is abusive, you should reach out for help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns pro-blockquote is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9d6595d7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"350\" height=\"350\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2063\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron.png 350w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/Michael-Maron-150x150.png 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><em>\u201cThe type of difficult behavior you\u2019re dealing with will be the main factor in what step you take next if talking to the person doesn\u2019t work. If it\u2019s bullying, harassment, or other hostile behavior, you should talk to your manager or HR to get their help in stopping the behavior. Otherwise, honestly assess the behavior\u2019s impact on your work environment, and what options are open to you that could minimize your contact.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"pumble-by-cake-com-makes-your-workplace-communication-easier\" class=\"wp-block-heading\">Pumble by CAKE.com makes your workplace communication easier<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Although we all know how difficult it is to find the right approach to communicate with some colleagues, it becomes much easier when we have a good communication app at our disposal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you don\u2019t enjoy face-to-face communication with difficult coworkers, you will be thrilled to use <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/features\/direct-messages\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">direct messages<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/features\/channels\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">channels<\/a> in Pumble by <a href=\"https:\/\/cake.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">CAKE.com<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since there is no <em>\u201cseen\u201d <\/em>optionon <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Pumble<\/a>, you have more time to think about the potential response in a conversation with difficult colleagues.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also, if you notice the conversation is getting too serious, you can always relax it by using <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/help\/using-pumble\/format-and-style-messages\/use-emoji-reactions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">emojis<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/help\/using-pumble\/messages\/use-emoji-reactions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"> or reactions<\/a> as a response.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"1238\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis.png\" alt=\"Customizable Pumble emojis\" class=\"wp-image-14062\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis.png 1200w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis-291x300.png 291w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis-993x1024.png 993w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis-768x792.png 768w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Customizable-Pumble-emojis-12x12.png 12w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Customizable Pumble emojis<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Moreover, you don\u2019t have to go to the office if you need to meet with difficult colleagues. Simply schedule a <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/video-conferencing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">video<\/a> or <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/voice-calls\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">audio call<\/a> and discuss the matter.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1200\" height=\"772\" src=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png.png\" alt=\"You can use Pumble video calls to discuss important matters with your colleagues\n\" class=\"wp-image-14063\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png.png 1200w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png-300x193.png 300w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png-1024x659.png 1024w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png-768x494.png 768w, https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/An-example-of-video-call-in-Pumble.png.png.png-18x12.png 18w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">You can use Pumble video calls to discuss important matters with your colleagues\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Finally, if you have your own way of communicating with people you don\u2019t see eye to eye with, you can always go through those conversations because Pumble features <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/knowledge-sharing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">unlimited message history<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If all these features look appealing to you, don\u2019t waste time! <a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Try Pumble today<\/a>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"custom-btn\"><a href=\"https:\/\/pumble.com\/register\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Get started with Pumble<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Learn how to deal with difficult coworkers with the help of our tips and expert opinions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":13203,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3492","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication-tips"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3492","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/15"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3492"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3492\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23484,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3492\/revisions\/23484"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3492"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3492"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pumble.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3492"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}